"If I can stop one heart from breaking I shall not live in vain." Emily Dicknson
In this universe, nothing can be lost forever... I'm looking for my bits and pieces of my dreams, my hopes, my wonder, my innocence... The present is a gift and I'm happy with the search for myself. Everyday when I get up I feel grateful and radiant.
I'm a book lover. I've been an avid reader since I was a kid. When I was kid, books were my best friends... I've never been popular with many friends. Books were my refuge. Books transport me to wonderful, wonderful places... Many times I went to sleep dreaming with a beautiful story in my heart...
I stopped telling myself that I'm lost.
I'm not.
I'm on a road with no destination, I'm just driving with hope that I'll find a place that I like and I'll stay there...
I'm not lost. I'm on my way...
"Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?" Unknown
I'm trying to remember who truly I'm. Some feelings as sadness and fear are present in my heart... I feel fear of the world... I don't wanna lose my soul, my inner-child. When I was child, I dreamed away. My life was so magical and beautiful... This little girl still live in me and she wants to feel safe.
Adult world is not a safe place. I'm learning how do protect my inner-child and I only want to show her for who I really trust.
"Surrender means surrender of your ego." Radhanath Swami
I'm so happy! I found a work. I hope that be a good experience! In the coming year, I will travel to Findhorn, an ecovillage where was born Circle Dance, my passion! My dream is near. Now I will have money to do my travel! I'm feeling inner piece today... All is how must to be! Nothing is under control... I'm surrender...
I'm seeking sensitive and kind-hearted people. I'm tired of unpleasant people. I want so stay away from this kind of people. My soul needs to be near kindness. I need to believe that the world is a good place to live!!!!
"You will only begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged you and learn to forgive youserlf for your mistakes." (unknow author)
Nowadays, I want to stay quiet. This sentence talks about my moment. Many sad things happened and I'm hurt with people and with the world. I will try not isolate me from all people, but I need some time alone. I'm enjoying to stay alone! At night I watched Wuthering Heights, and, Oh, My God! What a beautiful story!!!! I need to read the book, and I listened Wuthering Weights from Kate Bush thousand times! I want a Headclife in my life... I want a great love! I cried watching this incredible movie! It's soooo romantic...
I don't feel belonging to any place. Sometimes I feel alone, because I chooce friends, jobs, boyfriends that make me sad. and hurt me.. I need to pay attention in the voice of my heart... It always guides me in my true way... Today I was sad because one boy that I feel some affection feeling, is in love with another girl... The best of all this is that I'm fine... Perhaps, I'm already accostumed to suffer... My heart is broken. =(
I don't care about what people think of me. Lately, I'm talking a lot about my feelings and thoughts... Some people must be thinking that I'm nuts!
Ohhh, I'm so happy! Doors are opened and beautiful ways are waiting for me... I feel this deeply.... The end of my relatioship was very good for me. Now I'm seeing this. I'm going to do a second course of Literature and I'm devote myself to be a writer! Barriers are not makingg me sad and discouraged... I'm really feeling more stronger. The dark night of the soul is going away...
Being myself is the most difficult thing I need to learn. Today one person from my job was unpleasant with me, and I, so fool, kept in silence. I need to find my way to express my voice in the world. I have been so shy and so good.... Good even in the times that I need to be angry! I'm very delicate and sensitive... It's necessary a great courage to be sensitive in this cold world!!!! Sometimes I wish upon upon a star: What am I doing here?! But today I'm understanding what is my mission. Even so, I miss my holy mother and my earthly mother to comfort me in sad hours... I'm all sure that I'm not from this planet. Nothing happens by chance... I believe that every life has a greater purpose. Come on Kat, be strong! Trust in divine plan. Have faith. Believe. And never lose hope.
Sleep well Child Spirit. May the good angels watch over and may you rest softly and deeply and awaken refreshed. ...
In the meantime, tuck tuck and a kiss to your little keppe
Dream sweet. Night night.
And with love, Child Nod and Mother Night.
Clarissa Pinkóla Éstes
So many things happened and I was so melancholy... Now I need to rest, take care of me and pray. I want to devote myself to children and Education. I want to do all feed my soul.
Passover is very special for me. It's moment to revive and to open my heart to the beauty of the life. Everybody is impressed with my fast recovery after the end of my relatioship. I feel more alive and free. I'm open to receive the best of the life. And all is how must to be. Sometimes I think in my last boyfriend and I fell a little sad, but I feel a aliviate too. Dreams... poems... loves... musics.... good books... dear friends... All this is the magic of life for me! And l'm not with hurry to find a new person... I only want to allow my heart love the flowers, the stars, the sky, the nature, afterall, to love is to live!
My relatioship is over. I cried a lot... He is in love with a other girl from ashram. I fell and I very hurt me with this sad history. But now I'm alleviate. Was better. We was suffering a lot. Our ways was foloowing in differetent directions. Now I want to care of me and to enjoy my company. My dreams are flying taller. I want to continue my studies and to live in Ireland. I'm dreaming in to find my celtic prince! After to feel all pain, I need to feel piece. All that I want to my life is inner side piece.
Today, Im feeling more strong, I'm more delighted to the life. Before I was so sad and weac... I dindn't was seeing the beauty of the life. Now I'm more open for the people and experiments. I don't want to close my heart because I'm sad with my boyfriend. Ohhhh, I need to be strong to follow my dreams and don't lost my eyes shine...
Sunday, 30 March 2014
Who am I? This is the question of my life. One life can be short to answer this question. I never feel belonging in this world. I'm here to cumply my mission, only this. Oh, and I can't forget that I'm here to learn how to love too. I feel that my mission is to be teacher and whiter. I will following my heart.
This weekend I saw my love boyfriend. Was very good! I was so needy... I want to be more strong and trustful. We talked a lot about our relatioship. We are in a strange phase. Our ways are following in diferente directions... I'm at the last year at my faculty, and I'm doing my final paper. He is fully dedicate to spirituality. I will be patiente. All is well.
Saturday, 29 March 2014
Today I will travel to Asharam, to see my boyfriend. He is going to pay all for me. My heart is more peaceful. I'm learning how to be patince with the things that I want to happen. Yesterday, I road about blackberry's tea and I enchant-me! This tea is a miracle. He cures the sadness, and does very good to health. Today I'm better. Gratitude for the day!
Sometimes, I feel insecure, with the way that my life is following... I'm trying to accept that I don't have control in the life. Things happen how it should be. To trust and to surrender. This is my exercise. As said Bob Marley: Don't worry, be happy. Oh, I walk so worry lately! My wings are trying to fly and I'm arresting with my concerns... There is a music that I love very much. Her name is Dream, from Priscilla Ahn. It's about my history! Ohhhh, I miss my childhood!
This is the lyrics:
I was a little girl alone in my little world
who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees,
and fed my houseguests bark and leaves,
and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
That I could fly
from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark
through woods grown behind the park,
I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me,
God answered in silent reverie.
I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
Now I'm old and feeling grey.
I don't know what's left to say about this life
I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well,
there's many tales I've lived to tell.
I'm ready now, I'm ready now,
I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.
Today, I'm anxious to do a interview in a school. I need to work. I need to forget my boyfriend a little bit... I hope that all get well in my life. I pray to my dearly loved godess Kuan Yin every day, to she comforts my heart... I'm feeling that in the life, we can learn how to be happy alone... I was very dependent from my relationship... I want to go out more with my friends and to have fun more too! Afterall, I'm so young....
Lately, I'm feeling alone. I had cried a lot. My boyfriend went away to live in an ashram, a spiritual place of meditation. He left me. He doesn't have time to back. And I can't see him, because I don't have money to pay my food there. One time by month he cames to São Paulo. I'm sad. Once we was so near... Good times... It's hour of to be happy alone...
